Promoting Marriage and the Family

Marriage and the Family
(With selected Bibliography and Endnotes).

The Society’s Objects, taken from Section 2 of its Constitution, include:

(a) To encourage self-respect and the dignity of the human person made in the image of God.
(b) To promote recognition of the sanctity of human life and its preservation in all stages.
(c) To promote the benefits of lasting marriage, strong family and wholesome personal  values as the foundation for stable communities.       

Affirming the Judaeo-Christian Framework

The Society is committed to promoting the Judaeo-Christian teachings on family, marriage and the nature of human persons – created in the  “likeness” and "image of God" (imago Dei” Gen. 1:26-27).

The Lord Jesus Christ, Who was Himself raised by a godly mother and father, drew from the book of Genesis (Gen:2:23-24) to define the origin and purpose of marriage, when He responded to a question put to him on divorce, stating:

"But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh, consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate’ (Mark 10:6-9 New American Standard Version; c.f. Matt. 19:3-6).

The Society affirms what the author of the book of Hebrews wrote when he admonished his readers: "Let marriage be held in honour and let the marriage bed be undefiled" (Heb. 13:4).  God’s first command to the first man and woman, after He had blessed them, was: "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth" (Gen. 1:28). God designed sex – one of His many wonderful gifts to mankind. From a biblical perspective, marriage is a covenant (Malachi 2:14) ordained by God – a morally binding agreement (made between two parties: one man and one woman). Sacred commitments, not to be entered into lightly, are made before God and man by both parties, to love the other whole-heartedly, for as long as each shall live. A total commitment to fidelity and faithfulness involving moral obligations at every level of activity and/or interaction are central to the covenant agreement.

Over many centuries, Governments – an institution ordained of God (Romans 13:1) – have granted marriage a privileged status not given to other types of human relationships, for two key reasons: (1) only marriage provides the best environment for raising children with stability and (2) the complementary male and female role models (mum and dad). Men and women complement each other in marriage, benefiting each other, their children and society. In contrast, homosexual and lesbian sexual relationships, even if recognised and formalised by the State, are declared unnatural and immoral in the Bible (e.g. Romans 1:24-28) and those who practice such morally illicit relationships, along with adulterers and others, incur the judgment and wrath of God (1 Cor. 6:9).

Marriage

The institution of marriage is the permanent all-inclusive union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life for the purpose of mutual love, support and companionship. Usually there is the expectation and the possibility that children may arise from such a union, which carries legal and social consequences for the husband and wife concerned.

The key to finding the real meaning of marriage lies in taking its ethical character seriously in custom, behaviour and law. While it arises out of a civil contract to which the consent of the parties is essential, on a personal level it is of a much higher order as it entails life-long commitments of fidelity and trust that encompass the whole personal being. Once entered into by a solemn oath which is publicly witnessed and registered and the marriage consummated, the individuals enter a new state of being which is of a different order to mere "partners" or "cohabitors".

The expectation of children, constituting a family, puts the relationship in a recognised social and legal category and thus into a framework for the apportionment of responsibilities for the care and nurture of dependants. The State is duty-bound to protect the freedoms and responsibilities of the family unit and all marriage partnerships [1].

While marriage is entered into with every hope and expectation that it will be a permanent union, civil law does allow for the dissolution of the union under certain circumstances (divorce). The deleterious effects for children of rising divorce rates, [2] the heavy costs to the State in terms of family court hearings, and the crimes, mental trauma, social dislocations and ongoing acrimony that are often generated by such break-ups, means the State has a very real interest in combating the causal factors that lead to divorce.

Since 1970 the rate of marriage has decreased 60% in New Zealand, [3] while the number of divorces has nearly doubled [4]. Many factors have contributed to the fall in the marriage rate and these include: the growth in de facto unions [5], a general trend towards delayed marriage [6] and increasing numbers of New Zealanders remaining single. Births outside of marriage have tripled in the past 30 years.

The State acknowledges that the manifest decay of family life has reverberations in the form of increased welfare costs, suicide, illness, disorder and violence. It is duty-bound to try and strengthen marriage and the family unit and enact legislation that ensures that easy divorce is not an option for couples. The State acknowledges that well-functioning families do much to ensure the peace, health and prosperity of society as a whole. It must repeatedly affirm this fact by enacting laws that assist and strengthen families. However, when families become dysfunctional, State intervention should be kept to a minimum.

Sadly and to society’s detriment, successive New Zealand Governments have shifted their moral focus away from questions of interpersonal responsibility, of promise-keeping and obligation, of our duties to others as individuals; towards inter-group responsibilities under the banner of "human rights" (rather than individual rights). Values based on honesty, good faith and loyalty (as opposed to betrayal), have been ignored and replaced by a pervasive non-judgmentalism for interpersonal transgressions (for example, giving rise to so-called ‘no-fault’ divorce).

The new focus is now severe judgementalism for inter-group transgressions and "discrimination" is now the catch-cry of legislators. The new ‘morality’ emphasises the primacy of individual fulfillment and autonomy, and untrammeled exit from marriage obligations on request.

With no-fault divorce introduced in the late 1960s, the disincentives to exit marriage are now lessened considerably and exit has become more likely as statistics clearly show.

Specific policies on marriage

The Society views marriage, as defined above, as a special relationship and would oppose any legislation put forward that would seek to extend it to homosexual or lesbian couples. 

The Society did not support legislation attempting to give legitimacy under law to so-called same-sex ‘marriage’ (The Civil Union Bill [7]). Any legislation that might seek to make it lawful for "gay" couples to adopt children and the use of in-vitro fertilization by such couples will be opposed. Children have a right to both a mother and a father who are married and there are many such couples in New Zealand who are waiting to adopt children.

The Family

The family is the cornerstone institution of a free and democratic society and functions, ideally, to provide the best loving social environment and intimacy needed for the raising and nurturing of the next generation. It provides the most secure emotional and economic foundation for development of adult life. A family consists of a married couple, a man and a woman and the biological offspring from this union and/or adopted children. This unit can and often is extended to include foster children and elderly relatives who are cared for by the family. The concept of the extended family (or whanau) is an integral part of the New Zealand way of life.

Children need both a loving and committed father and mother as primary caregivers to develop to their best potential. Both contribute uniquely as individual role models, based on unique gender differences, to the nurturing and development process. In their complementary roles, jointly, they model for the children the personal interactions unique to male-female interactions, in particular the formalised marriage partnership – or convenant – based on life-long commitment, trust and fidelity. Children learn best from their parents how to be loving and effective parents themselves.

There is a presumption of permanency in the inter-generational kinship ties established through marriage, as the couples who have married voluntarily enter their relationship for life to the exclusion of all others. Children in particular need this permanency and suffer irreparable damage when kinship ties are fractured and/or complicated by multiple liaisons producing children, step children, half-siblings and an overall environment of insecurity, transience and infidelity.

New Zealand has the developed world’s second highest percentage of single parent families. By 2010, if present trends continue, half of European and nearly three-quarters of Maori infants under 12 months will be in fatherless families. These figures reflect the breakdown of the family unit through divorce, breakdowns in de facto relationships and the fact that so many children are born to young unmarried girls. It also highlights the failure of young men who are fathers to take responsibility in relationships.

Where families have lost either a mother or father, or both, through death, the State has assumed a special duty of ensuring the economic well-being of all dependant children (e.g. widow’s or widower’s benefit). Where the loss of a spouse has come about through divorce, the State has sought to safeguard the interests of children raised under the custody of one parent. This economic support has come by way of the State ensuring that child maintenance is paid by the non-custodial parent (the IRD acts as the agent of the State to ensure that regular maintenance payments are made to the custodial parent). The State’s involvement in passing no-fault divorce laws has been a major factor in exacerbating the problems created by divorce and the consequent fall-out that has impacted on children, in particular and the innocent spouse (not involved in infidelity).

The State should not enact any further legislation that in any way legitimises under law temporary or long-term cohabitation of male-female partners (de facto relationships) or same-sex partners, by treating them as being in a relationship "in the nature of marriage". While a family is deemed to exist under current law in the case of an unmarried (de facto) couple with children, it should be treated differently under law in terms of category. Significant incentives should be provided via taxation relief to encourage all de facto (heterosexual) couples to legalise their ‘marriage’, in particular those of five years or more duration that involve dependent children.

The State should recognise and fulfil all of its duties to enhance the well being, permanency, and financial success of families, so that spouses committed to their marriages can be effective and productive members of society. Furthermore, it should offer assistance to young married couples and any others requiring help, with respect to parenting skills and sound financial management, through social service agencies. Some skeptics argue that the State has no such legitimate duty to offer such assistance for it only provides it with opportunities to promote the political interests of the party in power and politicians in general, not the interests of the private individuals concerned.

The State has a vested interest in ensuring that all children are raised as well-adjusted, loved, valued and productive members of society.

The Society acknowledges that today many New Zealand children are being raised and nurtured by committed and loving caregivers who are neither their biological parents nor immediate family. It believes the State must seek to put children’s needs first by being even-handed with respect to the level of State support offered children who are in support networks other than the nuclear family model. Again some critics argue that the State has no business in this area: its agents only foment discontent and dysfunction to keep their respective bureaucracies busy and rolling in Government money.

The Society recognises that a minority of New Zealanders do not accept that the traditional family is the best family model for a healthy society and may reject the institution of marriage altogether. It also recognises that some agencies receiving significant Government funding are led by ideologues determined to impose alternative family models on society. Despite these concerns, most New Zealanders want to see Government policies directed towards benefiting the majority of New Zealanders, while still giving individuals the freedom of choice to opt for alternatives.

There is now a large body of research data from overseas studies showing that children living with parents who are married are far better off than those whose parents live in a de facto relationship. The New Zealand Government does not track family structure in relation to many social outcomes, however data from the United Kingdom, United States, and Australia, countries which compare closely with New Zealand on social issues, show that compared with the intact married family, serious child abuse is 33 times higher when the mother lives with her boyfriend.

Fatherless children are worse off in terms of health, educational attainment, work ethics, income and lifetime wealth. They are more prone to crime, drug addiction, divorce, unemployment, illness, truancy, suicide, poverty and depression. (Based on UK and USA studies). A study carried out in Christchurch a few years ago, revealed that 65% of youth offenders were not living with their father. Some researchers suggest that New Zealand’s fatherless families are one of the root causes of our country’s high numbers of youth suicides. The rate of male youth suicide in New Zealand today is seven times higher than 1968.

Any moves to strengthen the nuclear family and support legal marriage should be phased in by Government gradually, while at the same time seeking to avoid discrimination with respect to any child in different types of primary child-care arrangements. While one of the Society’s objectives is to see the promotion of and restoration of traditional family life, it recognises the reality is that many children are raised in single parent households and blended family environments due to divorce(s) and by couples in homosexual relationships. Current Government policy is based on the principle that the interests of children must always remain paramount to those of the parent. However, the right of children to have both a mother and a father and the rights of the unborn are taken little account of. (Statistics NZ recorded 17,930 abortions performed in New Zealand in 2006, compared with 17,530 in 2005 and 18,510 in 2003).

Governments should devote every effort to replacing the culture of State dependency with one based on personal responsibility.

Family values

The Society believes in promoting family values. This can be done very effectively through volunteer social services, the churches and other non-Government agencies assisting needy families, as noted above, and through family-based education. The destructive influences impacting families should be addressed by good legislation to ensure human life is protected. The Society opposes abortion, euthanasia and the destruction or sale of embryos resulting from in-vitro fertilization.

It proposes greater restrictions on the promotion or advertising of liquor, cigarettes, gambling, drug abuse, pornography, suicide, prostitution and homosexuality (especially to schoolchildren). It would like to see a formal inquiry into the effect of television and information technology violence and pornography on society, with particular focus on how children are affected. It opposes the inclusion of blasphemy, gratuitous violence, offensive language, alcoholism, drug abuse and pornography in television programming and supports the replacing of current voluntary codes with mandatory standards. These standards should include a comprehensive appeals regime on matters of fact and law, as well as substantial penalties for breaches by broadcasters. It supports an extension to the obligatory levy on all forms of gambling, administered by an independent body, with proceeds used to rehabilitate compulsive gamblers.

Care for the elderly

The Society considers it the primary responsibility of families and individual relatives to make provision for the care of their elderly loved ones. It contends that the financial disadvantages families may face if they opt to take care of their elderly relatives at home should be addressed and compensated for by the State, if the State is to give financial advantages to those who choose to shift the elderly into institutional care.

Selected Bibliography

Barry Marley, 2001, Family & Marriage in Australia, The Centre for Independent Studies Limited. St Leonards, NSW.

Statistics New Zealand. Census data 2001. http://www.stats.govt.nz

Bruce Logan, ‘The Family & Democratic Freedom’ Cutting Edge (August/September 2000) NZDEF No. 48, pp. 4-8.

Lynn Wardle, ‘The Importance of Marriage and the Marriage-Based Family for Society,’ Cutting Edge (August/September 2000) NZDEF No. 48. pp. 12-23.

Margaret Andrews, ‘ Strong Marriages: Strong Societies’ Cutting Edge (August/September 2000) NZDEF No. 48. Pp. 32-37.

Lynn Wardle, ‘Some Serious Threats to Marriage and the Marriage-Based Family,’ (August/September 2000) NZDEF No. 48. pp. 38-55.

Endnotes

1. See Bruce Logan, ‘The Family & Democratic Freedom’ Cutting Edge (August/September 2000). New Zealand Education Development Foundaton) (NZEDF) No. 48, pp. 4-8.

2. The divorce rate (number of divorces per 1,000 estimated existing marriages) was 12.3 in 2001 – the same as in 2000. It has moved closer toward the level of the early 1990s, when the divorce rate averaged 12.0 per 1,000. The rates increased steadily from the 1960s through to the 1990s. In the year ending December 2006 there were 10,100 orders for the dissolution of marriage. This represents 12.5 divorces per 1,000 estimated marriages (Source: Statistics NZ).

3. The number of marriages registered in New Zealand in the year ended 31 December 2001 was 20,000. This represents a decrease of 700 (or 3 percent) from the 20,700 marriages registered in 2000. The 2002 figure of 20,700 was 24 percent lower than the peak of 27,200 in 1971. The general marriage rate (number of marriages per 1,000 not-married population aged 16 years and over) was stable at 14.7 per 1,000 in 2001 and 2002. The 2002 marriage rate was less than a third of the post-World War II peak of 45.5 per 1,000 recorded in 1971. Many factors have contributed to the fall in the marriage rate and these include: the growth in de facto unions, a general trend towards delayed marriage and increasing numbers of New Zealanders remaining single. There were 21,500 resident marriages registered in New Zealand during the December 2006 year. There were also 2,000 marriages registered to overseas residents in New Zealand in 2006. (Source: Statistics NZ).

4. In 1981, the number of divorces rose sharply following the passing of the Family Proceedings Act 1980, which allowed for the dissolution of marriage on the grounds of irreconcilable difference. Divorces recorded a temporary high of 12,400 in 1982. Subsequently, the number fell to a low of 8,600 in 1989. In 2005 there were 10,000 divorces granted by the Family Court, consistent with the annual average for the last decade. In 2001, a total of 9,700 marriage dissolution orders were granted by family courts – the same number as recorded in 2000. In 1981, the number of divorces rose sharply following the passing of the Family Proceedings Act 1980, which allowed for the dissolution of marriage on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. Divorces recorded a temporary high of 12,400 in 1982. Subsequently, the number fell to a low of 8,600 in 1989 and, since 1996, the annual number has fluctuated around 10,000. Many marriages last a relatively short time. Divorces are most common among those couples who have been married 5 to 9 years. They account for one-quarter of all divorces in 2001. The median duration of marriages ending in divorce in 2001 was 13 years compared to 12 years in 1991. In 2002, a total of 10,300 marriage dissolution orders were granted by family
Courts – up 600 on the number recorded in 2001 (9,700). (Source: Statistics NZ).

5. In 1996, about one in four men and women aged 15-44 years who were in partnerships were not legally married. By 2001, this figure had increased to around 3 in 10. De facto unions are more common than formal marriage among younger New Zealanders. For men and women under 25 years of age, those living in a de facto relationship outnumbered those legally married (Source Statistics NZ).

6. The trend toward later marriage is continuing. Formal marriages are being increasingly postponed and fewer New Zealanders are marrying in their teens or early twenties. NZ men and women are now marrying, on average, eight years later than in 1971.

7. The Civil Union Act was passed into law on 9 December 2004 and came into force on the 26 April 2005. The first ceremonies were performed on 29 April 2005. This Act introduced a new form of legal relationship. Two people aged 18 years and over, whether of opposite or the same sex, can enter into a civil union provided they are not currently married to, or in a civil union with, someone else. People aged 16 and 17 years must have their guardian’s consent to enter a civil union. A couple who are currently married can transfer their relationship to a civil union. An opposite-sex couple in a civil union can transfer their relationship to a marriage. As in the past, a same-sex couple cannot enter into a marriage. (Statistics NZ).

The Civil Union Act allows de facto heterosexual partners, and both homosexual and lesbian couples, to register their relationships. This gives them almost all the rights of married couples, including next of kin rights and parental rights for non-biological parents. Despite claims by those promoting the significant demand for law change allowing for ‘gay marriage’, at 31 December 2005, civil union registrations totalled only 278. These comprised 227 same-sex unions (113 male and 114 female), 49 opposite-sex unions and 2 transfers from marriage. Only 397 civil unions were registered in 2006 of which 80% involved same-sex couples. (Source: Statistics NZ).

Author of Article

David H. Lane M.Sc. (Hons.), Dip. Tchg.

Executive Director

Society for Promotion of Community Standards Inc.